Recovery & Me

- Anonymous

What is Recovery & Me?
Recovery & Me is a column that will appear frequently on this site. This column will address issues that thousands of people in our area have faced or will face during the course of their recovery. I will try and blend what I have learned in the hope that this may in some way make a positive impact on your own personal recovery.

Recovery & Me Articles
Recovery & Me
Make No Major Decisions
How Do You Become an Old Timer?

What's Your Story?
I welcome your questions, your ideas for recovery topics or perhaps a personal story or two. Don’t forget, a dose of good humor about recovery or addiction is always welcomed…it has certainly helped me and many others through some tough times!  Please send your submissions to: Council on Chemical Abuse, Attn: Recovery & Me, 601 Penn St., Ste. 600, Reading, PA 19601 or e-mail them to the webmaster. You may choose to remain anonymous by including only your first name with your submission, as it may in part be reprinted in a future article.

Recovery & Me Submissions
Please note that the following articles were submitted to the Council for posting on this website. These articles do not necessarily express the opinions or beliefs of the Council on Chemical Abuse or any of its related entitites.
Alcohol and Substance Abuse Will Not Take Away Your Fears
A Review of Techniques in Managing Your Depression
Managing the Fear of Loneliness
When Someone You Know Struggles With Fear and Anxiety
Never Lose Hope in Dealing With Your Fears and Depression
Our Fears and Worries Can Distort the Reality of the Situation

A Dose of Recovery Humor...
Due to increasing products liability litigation, American beer brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:
1. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
2. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them.
3. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing.
4. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-girlfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning.
5. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your butt kicked.
6. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
7. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people.
8. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

Another Dose...
A doctor wanted to teach a group of alcoholics about the physical hazards of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, ladies and gentlemen observe closely the worms," said the doctor first putting a worm into the water. The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. The second worm, he put into the whiskey. It writhed painfully, and it quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail. "Now, what lesson can we derive from this experiment?" the doctor asked. A gentleman sitting in the front of the classroom raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms!"

And Another Dose...
A couple was driving down a country road when the man driving the car noticed a police cruiser behind him with his lights flashing. The driver and the police officer pulled over to the side of the road.
“Good afternoon officer”, said the driver.
“License, proof of insurance and owner’s card”, replied the officer.
“Do you know why I stopped you sir?”
“No officer”, said the driver
“Well for one, you rolled through that stop sign about a mile back so I’m going to have to ticket you for that”
“I told you to come to a complete stop back there but know you decided to role through the stop”, spouted the driver’s wife.
“I told you to mind your own business woman and know your place”, grumbled the driver.
“I’m also going to ticket you for driving 65 MPH in a 40MPH zone”, said the officer.
“I told you to slow down but no, you told me to shut up”, said the driver’s wife.
“If I told you once I told you a thousand times to keep you mouth closed” snapped the driver to his wife.
“I will also be fining you for not wearing your seatbelt”, the police officer told the driver.
“There’s a surprise’” said the wife to the driver. “You never wear your seat belt even after all the times I told you it’s the law”.
“That’s it woman, you and I will be having a good talk when we get home”, angrily retorted the driver.
The police officer looked through the window and asked the driver’s wife,” Ma’am, does he always speak to you with such hostility and disrespect?” 
“No officer. He only talks to me like this when he’s drunk”.
 
And Finally... 
A man well intoxicated stumbled into a bar and asked the bartender if he was willing to make a wager with him. The bartender, being a gambling man asked him “What is you wager?”. The gentleman was willing to bet the bartender that he could name the capitals of every state in the union. He told the bartender that if he couldn’t name every capital he would give the bartender $250.00. However, if he could name every capital, the bartender would allow him to drink for free for the remainder of the evening. The bartender took the man’s wager.
The gentleman began: “The capital of Alabama is “A”, the capital of Alaska is also “A” the capital of Arizona too is “A”………